Nursing Stress

~2006~

2007-01-13T00:36:00.000-05:00

Graduated college
passed the nclex
got my first real job
my grandfather passed away
A good and a horrible year all at the same time

~rough times~

2006-10-23T00:27:00.000-04:00

I haven't written in quite a while now. I have had some things to work through personally and actually I haven't been able to write about it until now. For almost two months I have had a very close relative in my hospital. For about 3 weeks he was on my unit. This person was in with no life threatening problem it was just a simple infection which led to amputation of one leg. It was a comfort having this person on my unit and even in the hospital I felt so close to them although when they were on my unit I did not visit as often as I should have. Part of me did not want to always associate this room with them after they left IF something bad should have ever happened during that stay. Needless to say everyone I worked with became close to this relative and treated them as if it was their own family which I am ever so grateful for. This relative went home and stayed home for about a month and did exceptionally well. He was the healthiest I have seen him in years. Then one day he woke up a little unresponsive. After being in the ER all day he was finally admitted to my unit. He was even talking at this point and was perfically normal you couldn't even tell anything had happened. Throughout the night he took a turn for the worse. He coded a record number of times and eventually did not make it. He passed away on my floor something that I am having a hard time dealing with. Hearing a Code blue which is something that usually never makes me think twice I just work it and don't have anything emotional attached to it, but that night knowing it was MY relative they were working on oh it made my heart ache. This all happened two weeks ago and the past three days were my first days back. I have to say it was very hard. I think of him often and when I do get him out of my mind at work someone will come up to me to tell me how hard they worked on him trying to save him or to just tell me they were sorry for my loss. I have to say the first two nights back I had two very busy patients and it kept my mind off of it. I know he would want me to continue my job and continue helping people he was very proud of me and what I do. I don't want to let him down but right now it is so hard. Having to revisit that very spot where I had the worst night of my life is hard it is hard to not associate it with him. The very thing I did not want to happen happened. I tried to stay away when he was on my floor so I would not have those memories and now when Im not busy I get a flash of a memory and it kills me.
My question is has anyone ever dealt with this before and if so how did you work through it???

~mental breakdown here I come~

2006-08-16T17:49:00.000-04:00

I didn't understand why a fellow coworker one day told me she used to go home and cry everyday after work that is until now. I swear I don't want to go into work tonight I feel like I am going to explode and start crying if I don't have an easy night. I am off orientation now and my first night off last night was a complete and utter hell, a night I never wish to redo. I understand all about the breakdowns she had now because I am already on my way to one or two or three. I have more to share but I have to go to work before Im late :( I can't even sleep at ALL anymore because of work and this fucking sucks I hate it please tell me it gets better

~an ordinary day~

2006-07-23T00:13:00.000-04:00

The morning started out pretty routine, all patients still breathing with pulses. The thing about my unit is that things can go bad quickly, very quickly. A patient that seems completly healthy making you wonder what in the world are they in the hospital for can go flatline in two seconds flat. It just happens that fast on our unit. This is my world I come to expect it besides that is what they are on our floor for, they have the potential to go bad and some chose to do just that. Luckily since I have been working the patients who have decided to teiter on the edge haven't been officially my patients so I haven't been the one to discover such things I just help out in the emergency. That is up until two days ago. Once again all patients were perfically fine, one 5 days post open heart, one only one day post op, and one with just CHF. Now if I were to suspect one to go bad at any point I would pick the one day post op. That wasn't the case. I casually walk into CHF room to just peek around make sure everything was still fine low and behold the patient is blue...Im talking papa smurf blue. From what I'm told I handled the situation very well as I didn't freak the hell out and come screaming for everyone. I did get help from the other nurses, respiratory and a few others but I did it in a way to not scare the other patients to death at the same time which Im told doesn't happen too often. The one thing I love about my unit is the telemetry. I do have a fear of walking into a patients room and them be dead, but my little friend lets me know they do have a heartbeat so no surprizes well unless ofcourse the leads fall off but thats what alarms are for. So lesson learned a day that seems so ordinary can do a 180 all before your eyes, send your head spinning, and make you wonder what in the hell just happened and how it go that way in a matter of seconds.

~Work Work Work~

2006-07-18T22:39:00.000-04:00

Question: Does it always happen that when you get comfortable at work something will happen to throw you off and prove to yourself that you really don't have a reason to be feeling all comfy and all???

Work is going pretty good, this is my last week on day shift then I switch over to 7pm-7am wahoo yeah that isn't all that exciting. I have gotten used to all of the day shift people as far as being good friends now and working really good together and now I am supposed to start over with new people who I have only seen maybe five minutes a day, but I guess I have already been in this situation once and turned out making lots of friends so its all good.

In other bigger news I come off of orientation next week!?!?!?! Holy shit how did that happen?????? I am coming off orientation about 6 weeks ahead of schedule and I am not sure how I feel about that. I think that is where my question comes in...I feel pretty comfy at work as far as time management assessments and my skills are concerned...I think if anything happened I could handle it except for one thing and this thing is pretty big...I do work on a cardiac floor and when it comes to someone coming in needing critical drips I haven't gotten ANY experience starting or titrating them. I have handled getting them up from the pharmacy because for some reason the pharmacy thinks its ok to take their time when someone's heart rate is up to about 200 to get us the drips so I can handle getting it but for starting and titrating I would be totally winging it trying to figure out what the hell I am doing. There are always more than one nurse on a floor...but...what if something else is going on and nobody is available to help??? Im not sure what I think about this issue because with everything else I feel comfortable with. I guess I should feel great about my coworkers and nurse manager thinking I am ready to come off of orientation this early, I am the only new nurse out of four others coming off early :)

So I prepared a little for night shift today. I went out and bought an ipod! I am going to start to try and stay up all night a few nights before my first night shift starts. Any advice for the transition to night shift from days???

~updates~

2006-07-02T18:00:00.000-04:00

Its been a long time since I have posted here but it has been so busy I haven't had any time at all. So first of all about a month ago I took the NCLEX a week before I had originally scheduled to take it so I basically did no studying at all and still PASSED!!! That was one of the most stressful situations I have ever been though and I am so glad I dont ever have to go through that again. I am now working at a local hospital in the cardiac unit which seems to be going pretty good so far. I have been thrown to the wolves and its basically a sink or swim situation. I would like to think I have been at least keeping my head above water and doing pretty good so far lol
Working as an actual RN is so much different from clinicals in school. Sometimes I want to tell the techs who come to ask me things I dont know that it feels like I dont know much more than them lol It seems like I have learned so many things since working that at times it feels so overwhelming but I can say from seeing another new graduate just starting orientation and remembering how those first few days were I can say I think I have come pretty far.

~Big news~

2006-06-03T23:05:00.000-04:00

I haven't wrote anything in awhile now. I haven't forgotten I have just had so much other things going on to where honestly I have been too tired. I started my new job about two weeks ago...Im working in the cardiac department of the ICU. So far so good it is really interesting. I have found out something and that is I don't always look to the patient's as they are scared to death. When I stop and think about how I would feel to get a heart cath and some stents done I would be a nervous wreck and believe me some patients do a good job covering up their being scared to death. This one patient was totally ok with everything was acting completly normal during preop measures and when I happen to step into the room they were crying extremly bad. I guess with me running around trying to get down the routine I forgot to think about what actually was going on for them mentally! I'm glad I caught onto that now sooner than later so I can start addressing that. It just goes to show what we can lookover when we are just learning having so many things going on at once. It was like a lightbulb went off in my head when I was dumbfounded as to why the patient was upset then it was a duh!!! moment when I slowed down and realized the hospital and procedures are not a normal routine for them as it is for me. I scheduled my NCLEX testing date for June 15th!!! I haven't had much time to study with work but I need to get on that because the testing date is right around the corner. I think I should have taken a little time off before work to have had a little time to myself and time to study. I didn't realize all of the preemployment measures would take about two weeks in itself.
As far as work goes it is totally different than clinicals. I can say for most of the time I actually enjoy going to work...so far it has only been those third and fourth 12 hour shift in a row where I dread going in. It is strange to actually be referred to as a real nurse and not just a student. Patients and even family of patients look to you for so much more because now they expect you to know all the answers
So far all in all it is great I seem to have so much more confidence because I know I can do it and if I can't do something at the moment I can surly find out and learn how to do it for next time!

~Its over~

2006-05-03T22:44:00.000-04:00

I am a Graduate Nurse!!!!!!!!!! wahoooooooooooooo
I will write more when I can get my thoughts together right now I am still having one of the worst headaches ever.

2006-04-16T23:44:00.000-04:00

I have put off writing for a long time now. I haven't been able to mentally. The past month has been horrible, and I wasn't sure I wanted to remember this part of nursing school. I honestly didn't expect for it to be this bad stress wise. The last semester is supposed to be not easy but definately not this bad in my opinion. It is mentally straining to just write this out because my brain just wants to not think about anything at all. Three more weeks!!! It sounds like its not very long at all but honestly anything can happen. I'm scared to send out graduation invitations because I don't know if I will pass the test that is like a mock NCLEX that we have to pass or these two years mean nothing. I find out two days before graduation if I pass this test. I don't know how to explain the feelings going on inside of me I just hope its over soon I can't take much more at all

~Spring Break~

2006-03-06T20:17:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure why its considered having a break when that's always the busiest time as far as classwork is concerned. Having two tests the first few days after the break doesn't make it much of a break especially when there are three other big projects due the Monday we go back. I have taken a much needed break. I don't plan to start to work on all the work until at least Wednesday. The patient I was freaking out over was a breeze. I'm not sure why I freak out over some things when I am fully capable of handling without a problem because like I said in the previous post it really wasn't anything new to me. Anxiety has definitely been a problem throughout nursing school. I don't know too many people in my class who don't take things for it, but I haven't been able to bring myself to take anything for it. I would much rather just try to adapt the best I can instead of relying on a drug that I don't feel I personally need because its not a chronic problem for me as it is for others.

~insomnia~

2006-03-02T23:56:00.000-05:00

Ok so I can't sleep. I am scared out of my mind. Tomorrow I have a rather difficult patient and it scares me to death. I feel really intimidated right now. I don't really know why either. The patient is totally dependent which I can handle fine that is nothing new to me. They have a trach with a high amt of oxygen and the trach is nothing new to me either. The only new thing about this patient to me is the oxygen with the trach and a PEG. I don't know why I am so scared but I could throw up right about now and I can't sleep at all. This part of nursing school is so miserable. I HATE this feeling and I have had it many times. I seriouslt think I am going to lose my dinner ughhhhhhh I hate this

~Big Day~

2006-03-01T17:43:00.000-05:00

Today I actually put in my first application for you know a real grown up job!!! It feels soooo strange to be applying for a job as an RN. I applied for a position in the NICU. I'm not so sure they will be willing to hire a new grad but hey its always worth a shot. The job is at a hospital about an hour away so it would involve relocating but I guess if Im happy its fine. I hope this process goes well!

~another month almost gone~

2006-02-22T16:33:00.000-05:00

Gosh this semester is going by super fast. I can't believe graduation is right around the corner. I haven't posted in awhile because I have been super busy which is probably why time seems to be flying by. Lets see in the past month I have did quiet a few things.

First off I had the first peds clinical. Wow very interesting! My patient was a 4 year old who really just needed to be sent home. There had been no signs of illness other than abdominal pain that had been gone for three days now. This child really threw me through some loops. First of all anytime ANYone walked into the room she screamed bloody murder and jumped off the bed trying to hide under the bed IV tubing and all. This child would scream constantly until whoever went into said room left. You could hear this child ALL OVER THE UNIT! Imagine trying to perform an assessment on a child thats screaming at the top of their lungs AND fighting you nomatter what you do. I tried everything to calm this kid down and nothing worked absolutly nothing. I tried just about everything I could remember from our book about how to get them to chill out but I had no luck this child wanted nothing to do with anyone. The poor respiratory tech just trying to evaluate her finally gave up after 30 mins and when we walked out she said thats the worst child she has ever seen in thiry years lol nice way for me to start peds I didn't mind the child it didn't bother me she was so upset. I was surprized my nerves were still intact at the end of the day and I didn't have the urge to scream lol
I love working with babies because that is my passion. My goal right now is to get a position in the NICU, but working with older kids is also fine by me as long as they don't all scream like that

I had the first peds test this month. Let me tell you I was not a happy camper when I seen that grade. I studied for HOURS for this test like three hours a day for three WEEKS. That is a lot of studying! When I took that test I might as well have closed my eyes and picked A, B, C, or D and I would have had a better chance getting it right. I ended up making four points above passing which really got me upset because I had put so much time into it. I am grateful to pass because not many did BUT we all put SO much time into that test and still did horrible. The instructor says grades always get better on the second test but that still doesn't make me feel better about all those wasted hours studying.

I also had my second medsurg test this past week. I did wonderful on this test. I got a 92!!! I don't want to jinx it but that clas is going so smoothly so far.

May is coming up pretty fast so I have been trying to put in some applications. I really want this job in the NICU so hopefully I can get that, but if not I have a friend who can get me a job in the ICU if I want it. I think that would be a great opportunity, but I am not sure if I would like it just starting out. I'm not saying I won't take the job, but I would like to feel more comfortable taking care of someone in the ICU. I don't know if I will be comfortable with my skills just graduating to jump into the ICU but maybe it would be a good way to keep learning and I really think I could adapt and learn quickly.

~a new level of sleep deprivation~

2006-02-20T23:16:00.000-05:00

I can barely hold my eyes open. I have been studying for hours upon hours. The new energy drink by mountain dew is my friend. Word to the wise drink those slowlyyyy or you will come crashing down fast!!!!!! I need to get back to studying for this test tomorrow. I will update soon I have a few days off after tomorrow :) I think I am going to sleep allllllll day on Wednesday!

~Where did January go???~

2006-02-01T14:33:00.000-05:00

It seems like time is flying by so fast. The first test of the semester was yesterday....I made a 90! Great way to start things out. I finished psyc clinicals up for good last week. It went by with no surprizes other than a few patients being able to trick the staff a few times. Strange how the staff can see these people for three days straight and still not figure out these few are actually patients and not doctors!!! Yes, they did mistake patients for doctors TWICE. Good times, Im just glad it wasn't my butt on the line for that although it was quite amusing :)
I have been trying to get motivated to study and get some work done all day but its now almost three and I haven't even started. Some days I just can't get motivated enough to focus on doing class work.

~opinions wanted~

2006-01-20T21:43:00.000-05:00

In the last semester at my school we to something like charge nursing. We are put in groups and have a charge nurse. It works really well as long as you have a good leader. Of course my first week my team had a horrible leader. We are in the last semester we obviously by now know when to do things and how to do it without being ordered to do it by our leader especially when this said leader does not help with any of the care like they are supposed to. My team mates were constantly belittled all. day. long. for TWO days by this leader. The team leader is supposed to help with the care because we have a few patients each this semester so there is a lot of work to get done and to get it done on time sometimes you just need help especially if you were to say have a few sick sick patients or if some were total care. Sometimes patients are too big and heavy to turn by yourself without putting yourself through an injury which if you don't have time or its an emergency you can do it yourself bc sometimes you just have to but when the leader is standing around doing nothing for two hours there is no reason they couldn't take two mins to help give said patients a bath with you. There was no reason they couldn't help and go around without constantly ordering us around in such a harsh tone of voice EVERY five minutes WHILE we are running around doing ten things at once while they sit down. It was so bad they wouldn't even take the thirty seconds it takes to put some vitals that were already taken into the computer while we were pushed for time from being so overly busy keeping people alive while they sat on their butt. Which brings me to my question...it was clearly stated verbally and in writing the leaders were supposed to help with care...this person overly refused every time and they constantly belittled us and just made us feel so incompetent when it was so not so...when I have an hour to get something done and im busy giving meds ontime and have that whole hour to do something that takes five mins no need for me to rush to drop everything im doing just to do what said leader says just because they want us to jump when they say so...well back to the question...This clinical we are obviously supposed to work together and are graded on how well we do so...obviously many things during this leader's time were done so very wrong and shouldn't have spoke to us in the manner they did believe me it was VERY bad, so obviously we did not bring this up with the instructor bc it would have made us look like we couldn't work as a team when in reality we just had a bad leader so should we have said something about how we were treated during this time or just let it go and deal with it because after all we were supposed to work as a team whatever it took to get things done...BUT I think there is a line somewhere right??? Should we have said something or just keep our mouths shut working as a team I can do but there is no reason to order us to do things we already know how and when to do like something as simple as vitals and the constant belittling was just a little much thats where I have the problem ordering us constantly and the vitals and refusing to help taking an HOUR break when we supposed to have ten mins...What do you think imput anyone???

~I should be tired~

2006-01-19T15:32:00.000-05:00

Yes, I should be tired but somehow im running on no sleep or energy. I tried a nap but it didn't work as I couldn't get to sleep. Yesterday I read for four hours straight and then did four hours of paperwork for clinical today. I got only two hours of sleep last night at the most (why is it that on clinical days I can't sleep for anything the night before???) I worked an eight hour shift today with two patients who were so sick. It was so busy I couldn't even think straight! At one point in postconference I was wondering as to how those nurses could handle 5-6 patients when I could barely handle only 2 and the only conclusion I could come up with is experience and not having to do am care such as baths and things of that nature. I hope tomorrow goes a little smoother because it was a little rough today getting things thrown at you left and right especially with things such as chest tubes because hello those are just a little intimidating for the first time!!!

~Signs~

2006-01-17T19:17:00.000-05:00

I think when the satellite goes out because of all the rain its tellin me to get my butt to studying....well that or to pop in a dvd lol

~first week~

2006-01-13T20:25:00.000-05:00

First week went by just as I thought it would....very smooth!!! I passed checking off on all the skills (the most stressful thing E.V.E.R. it doesn't matter how well you know these skills the anxiety is a major pain just having someone watch your every move waiting on you to make any little mistake) It doesn't look too bad this semester at all. The two instructors I have both seem very nice one could be a comedian in my opinion she was so funny it was such a change from the rest that teach there. Clinicals start next thursday and friday...a medical floor and pediatrics. Its going by sooo fast I can't wait until May! I'm planning a trip to celebrate graduation any suggestions on somewhere to go???

~Tomorrow is the day~

2006-01-08T23:17:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I start my very last semester! I have mixed emotions about going back to class for the last time. Part of me is so excited but the other part knows how hard and stressful its going to be. I am amazed at how much I have accomplished so far!

~Christmas~

2005-12-26T18:55:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone's Christmas was wonderful. I had a great time. My weekend was filled with passing out gifts and dinner parties. Sunday was spent surrounded with family just how it should be. I think I have gained 20 pounds so Im going to be avoiding the scale for a few days :) I'm having a great time on my break except for my one little mishap but that is over and done with so no worries over that anymore. I have put in so many hours at work its been nothing close to a break, but a break from class and tests is plenty worth it. I would rather put in these hours with my job than to go back to class any sooner. Im dreading the 9th. Im not ready to go back yet but the sooner we go back the sooner its over for good :) I can't believe this is the very last semester!!!

~Merry Christmas to you too~

2005-12-20T19:23:00.000-05:00

Why is it a few days before Christmas my personal life falls all to hell. Its been falling to hell since the beginning of December I could see it coming. The thing I learned is that when someone hurts you to the point you have to go you can't look at them much less talk to them its time to end it. I just wish it didn't have to end like this. Im not one to let go so easy but I have been hurt so much I could care less if I speak to this person for a very very long time. Some people just don't deserve someone like me in their life if they are going to take advantage and not care about me. I hate fucking selfish people those that think they have never done anything wrong a day in their life. Its taken me my entire life but tonight I know I am better and your a damn fool if you think Im going to take it anymore. Im finished being the good one in relationships holding it together when the other acts like they could care less about it. I'm tired of being so nice and getting treated like complete shit in return.

~its over~

2005-12-14T18:46:00.000-05:00

So this is usually the time when I'm all happy and excited. Well lets just say my grade dropped 10 points from my A in TWO weeks. wtf happened...I wish I knew. It totally sucks knowing the material enough I could teach the class and then getting to the test and being like wtf did she just come up with this out of nowhere??? The last test and the final was like one big game of any minny miny moe...seriously I think I could have done better if I would have closed my eyes and just pointed out an answer. I had a 92 going into the last test and when I failed that test I got pissed but I decided I would study that much harder and do better on the final to bring my grade up. Well that didn't work out so well I made a few points above passing on the final but lets look on the bright side I passed both classes with two high Bs and

ITS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~grrrr~

2005-12-07T14:53:00.000-05:00

There is no better way to ruin a day than to find out you failed a test by one point. I would have been mad even if I had made a C but still I did that bad. I blame it on the cold I have that seems to be turning for the worse, all I want to do is lay in bed and sleep. Somehow I have to get up and study for another test on friday that I have all of one day to study for. Then a final monday and wednesday ugh make it go away. Im so aggrivated

~sleep deprived~

2005-12-01T17:30:00.000-05:00

I haven't had any sleep in two weeks. I guess it is to be expected at the end of the semester, and I should know that by now. Between work and school I am beat. When I do sleep at night I am back to the point of dreaming about nursing every. single. night. Dreaming about school doesn't do any good for getting rest during the sleeping hours. I wake up and feel like I haven't slept any. Its down to the last two weeks. Today I had the very last clinical for the semester wahooo...ok short celebration over back to whats coming up...next week class two days and two test one on a Friday so technically class on three days...then the next week two finals...I am ready for it to be over and to top it all off I can't get in the mood to study!

~another lil break~

2005-11-19T11:20:00.000-05:00

So I haven't posted in awhile...I have been so very busy. I had another 12 hour clinical this past Thursday which had me beat. I was working in the ER and I think we were nonstop ALL day. I did learn it is very difficult to take vital signs on a 4 year old who is constantly bouncing off the walls. It took 2 parents along with me and another nurse to attempt to contain them. It didn't help that every five minutes the mother would spank the child. I don't care how hard you try to contain a 4 year old and say this has never happened before when it is so clear you never had anything to do with making the child mind it was THAT clear. Even with 4 people watching this child he was going so much that somehow he managed to press the code blue alarm. THAT was interesting....I admit I freaked out a lil inside when I seen him smash the button and when I looked over the other nurse had a look of horror on her face so I knew this wouldn't be good. I imagined tons of people running in only to find two nurses unable to contain a 4 year old child. After 30 minutes went by and not ONE person even showed up we were quite relieved but then again we were wondering just what we would have done if there would have been an actual emergency. Whoever is in charge of actually calling the code they had a fuckup that day that could have really caused some problems if there had been an actual emergency! It was very interesting to work in the ER. I think it is somewhere I would enjoy working. I helped with the patients coming in with heart attacks and angina, helped stitch up a few patients, had one burn we fixed up, and helped wrap a broken arm...The best patient of the day and I say best in total exaggeration. I was with one nurse who was the lucky one to get this patient. They were brought in for some mental issues. They were brought in by the cops but as soon as we walked in the room the cops left and for the second time of the day I seen another nurse look horrified. This patient was sitting on the side of the bed looking like they were about to leap after us to I assume tackle us at the least...Picture big person with VERY big muscles who constantly flexes...I had to get some quick vitals while we both tried to understand what exactly they were trying to say...not a very good feeling putting cuff around the arm when they try to grab your crotch...where the hell was the damn cop....drinking a coffee on the other side of the damn hospital. We were both very relieved to see that patient get discharged to another facility! It was a very good day I loved working in the ER so much so I think I may try to get a position in one when I graduate.

~Its almost here~

2005-11-09T14:20:00.000-05:00

On my way home today I got a familar feeling. This feeling I have only had once before and that was when I was about to graduate high school. It is a feeling of such accomplisment. Its a feeling of knowing something new and big is going to happen, these feelings have already started building up. Two and a half years ago I couldn't even picture being almost finished with college much less nursing school. I really had no idea what it would be like and to be honest I didn't think it would be that bad but oh how we can be wrong sometimes. Nursing school has been such a journey. I have learnt so much about myself. I have learned that I can do things when I put my mind to it, I can do anything even if it means pushing through the pain and dealing with all the stress. I remember the first semester, its funny to look at the first semester students now because I know they are so eager and have no clue what is in store for them. When my class was first beginning we were all fresh, we thought it was so horrible to have to do things we didn't necessarily like. Our school has made us tough, we have kept going when things have been ever so gloomy. I learned I have lots of strenght and passion. Without certain qualities you would have such a hard time to get through things. I remember taking anatomy in a session class which means you take a years worth of anatomy in just four months. I remember me and my friend studying on Sundays and thinking it couldn't get any harder than this, and in all reality it really hasn't been that much harder. Taking those anatomy classes in four months focusing ONLY on anatomy has really helped in nursing classes. It taught us we had to focus and study because we had no time to waste those four months. Either we got the information on our own and held onto the information or we were left behind. In our nursing classes it is up to you to put the effort into making yourself good grades. The material and help is there anytime you want to take advantage of it. I have had some bad feelings with my nursing school in the past few months, but I realize now everything they do is for a person, They have made us into strong intelligent individuals who are already becoming great nurses. In class now it is much different than that first semester, we are no longer fresh and eager to do any and everything. Now when you look at our class you can see the hours of study time and clinicals we are wore out and I'm so glad its almost over. Today I started feeling like a new beginning was coming and it sure is. May is coming ever so fast, I can only hope the next two years in this new adventure is as good as it has been these past two years. It may be hard but I have developed so much confidence in myself and have gained 50 new best friends :)

2005-11-07T18:03:00.000-05:00

~a break~

2005-10-16T10:25:00.000-04:00

So its been a while since the last post. I have two days off from class on Monday and Tuesday so I have tried to not think about anything nursing :)

The last OB clinical came and went with no big surprizes. I had a post patient and there is absolutly nothing to do for them when everything is completly normal. My day was spent talking with the other students that had post patients and the instructor because she was giving us some valuble tips on our next tests in OB. She is really great at teaching I hope she goes back to school and gets her teaching classes finished because she would be a great teacher. She was trying to talk us into doing traveling nursing and if I am still single after my years experience I will the money is just too good not to while I'm still young. There was a Csection at 33 weeks which was interesting to see. The baby was having tons of trouble breathing and they ended up having to take it to a bigger hospital before they lost it. Retractions at 33 weeks looks like waves on their chest it was very sad but interesting to see.

My test was harder than I expected. The instructor just informed us she uses a different text book to make our test and won't tell us the name of this book. There were questions on that test of things I had never heard of before. Lots of the information on the test were nowhere in our book. I was stressed but I made a........90!!!!! I knew most of the material with some great educated guesses, but a lot of other students were not as lucky as I was with this test. The weekend before the test I decided to go do the things I had planned to do so I only got to study for about an hour to 2 hours each day. I think I over do studying anyway. Before I would study 2 days before the test all day long, but now I have changed. I study a little bit each day, and I don't have to cram before the test and it is so much easier takes away most of the stress. December is coming so fast...I can't believe this semester is almost over. I hope next semester goes by just as fast :)

~a bad day~

2005-10-03T19:00:00.000-04:00

Mondays really suck especially when we are fussed at for any and everything every monday morning bright and early. I hate my school with a passion. Its not actually my school just the nursing department. These people test my patience every week. I'm not going into detail here because god forbid they throw me out with one semester left but I will say it is just wrong and cruel. I think they need to learn more professional conduct and learn to have all the compassion and kindness they always tell us to have because they have none at all. If my nursing classes would transfer I would be going to a different school right now. I seriously thought about walking out today because I was so frustrated and fed up with their crap but then reality set in and I can hold out until May I hope without losing my mind or hurting someone...What I have learned from all of this is to look into schools better from now on and not believe the selling points they throw at you. I wish I would have talked to some of the students and got the real deal from them before I committed to a school over an hour away who decides to send me to a clinical TWO hours away but thats a different story I've already fussed about.
I have two test coming up. I have to be up at 4am tomorrow, won't get home until about 4-4:30, have to finish looking up labs and do careplans to be turned in the next day, and study for a test wednesday. I have a dinner I was going to go to tomorrow night with about 20 friends but it looks like personal life is going to be put on hold AGAIN. I have to study for my other test starting wednesday after class and study every day just about all day until Monday. Fall break is coming up and I'm so ready for the rest!

~Ob clinical~

2005-09-27T23:00:00.000-04:00

Today I had another OB clinical. I was working in the nursery with about 15 babies. It was so much chaos at times when they would all cry at once. I really like working with the babies. I got to observe a circumcision (spelling?). That look very painful even with the block, strapping them down like that I kinda hurt a little after that lol
I got to observe a delivery today!!! It took all of two minutes at the most. The baby popped out with only one push. Maybe that birth was different but it wasn't what I thought it would be again. I'm starting to wonder if anything will be how I thought it would. I had fun in the nursery watching over the babies. There were only a few really sick babies. One was having respiratory problems that prevented it from being able to eat so that baby was very irritable and crying most of the day. It surprized me how the nurses there would be charting and totally ignore the babies cry. I think that is just as bad as someone ignoring an adults pain. Everytime the baby with the IV that couldn't eat would cry either me or the other student would have to go comfort it because they seemed to not care whether they were crying. One nurse even said they have gotten used to the crys and has gotten used to looking over the cries. I couldn't work with someone like that. I understand the babies crying at times could just be them needing a little comfort and in my opinion it is just the same as an adult having issues, we try to help the adults what is so different about a baby, why would they not feel the need to comfort them or even check to see why they would be crying. I guess you can see that really got under my nerves. Anytime a baby would cry most of the time it only took TWO minutes of holding them to soothe them and they were back to sleep and not crying for so long.
I think I would like to work in a nursery. I think I would really enjoy it. The only thing I would be afraid of is losing all of my other skills. Most of the babies were rather healthy and didn't need much invasive care, and I would be scared to work in a nursery for a long period of time and then feeling uncomfortable if I ever wanted to change areas because I may not feel comfortable with my skills. I think my decision about what area I want to work in will come down to whether or not I want to be truly happy or make a decision I may not necessarily like.

~hi there~

2005-09-24T01:00:00.000-04:00

I haven't posted in a long time. I have meant to many times, but for some reason I don't ever get around to it. I have been very busy. Today was a big day I came so very close to having a nervous breakdown...I was at work when someone said something that got under my nerves and bothered me so much. On the way home I was thinking about all the things I have to get done and how bad I just want to be free of thinking about anything to do with nursing just for a little while. I have a hard time letting it go and just relaxing it is always on my mind ALWAYS. Well I got home and there was a big mess waiting on me that once again just set me off. I remember crashing onto my bed and just crying my eyes out. I was thinking in my head how frustrated I was and just wanting to give it all up. I'm not getting all religious but I put it on the Christian radio station because there was nothing good on the radio and if I was going to be crying my eyes out I wanted some good music. So this song came on that I guess flipped a switch because I stopped crying....jumped out of bed....cleaned the mess that set me off....surfed the internet for a little bit until I was motivated and relaxed enough to do my work....and then I worked for four hours to finish my paper....I don't know what happened BUT I went from in the middle of a breakdown crying my eyes out not being able to function wanting to give up EVERYthing to a point I don't remember that good. I know I got up and did those things BUT I don't remember thinking about getting up and doing them I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't know when or how I calmed down and got myself together in a split second. I'm glad I did get it together because I did get a lot done this afternoon and I feel a lot better about it now. After I finished my work I haven't thought about anything with nursing until now. I have to learn how to let it go if only for a few hours at night or I. am. going. to. go. crazy!
Other than my break down today I have been doing very good. I was sick with a terrible flu for TWO weeks and mind you it was ofcourse the two weeks I had test. I made a 96 on my first OB test and an 84 on my first medsurg test. I wasn't happy with the 84 I know it is a good grade, but I knew the material a lot better than an 84. I have gotten my psyc clinical and clinical work out of the way. I have completed two medsurg clinicals. The first medsurg was an orientation which was great because I'm working at a new hospital. That day I only got to speak with a patient for about an hour ofcourse so I could do the 15 page assessment, meds, lab, and careplans for the week. I hated doing the paperwork, but I did get some good experience communicating with a patient with a trach. The second day I observed in the ICU. It wasn't as intense as I thought it would be, but it was a pretty calm day noone coded and everyone was basically stable all day. I did like the atmosphere there. I think I would like working in an ICU one day.
I finished two of my four OB clinicals, and I got the graded work for it completed my first day so I could get it out of the way. My first day I was supposed to have a laboring patient, but my patient was waiting for a repeat c-section. I didn't get to see the birth because she went back right when we were leaving :( I did get to do a shave prep AND start a catheter for the first time. I really hope I get to see a birth. Labor and delivery is what I have ALWAYS wanted to do since I was little so I really want to see a delivery SO BAD. I don't know if I will be able to see a birth but I am hoping in the next two times I go I will get to see one. The two days my clinical group has been on the OB floor they have only had two laboring patients each day and they were always both in the early stages. Our first day two of the students in my clinical group got to see a delivery so I'm jealous!

~wahooo~

2005-08-21T21:12:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is the first day of the semester. This summer started my third year of college. I keep reading about people who have just finished nursing school and I am so ready to be finished too. I feel like I have rested pretty good over my break. I hope this semester goes by fast and without drama. I am not looking forward to the clinicals, I am just ready to be able to go to work and do my job without having to be watched over.

~a little story~

2005-08-03T22:00:00.000-04:00

I have a little story to tell. In my first semester we spent our time in the nursing home. It seemed like everyone was ready for the time to be over before we even started. We showed up the first day in our freshly ironed uniforms, freezing because it was winter outside and we were not allowed inside without the instructor on the first day. So many thoughts of the horrors that could go wrong were running through our heads. We quickly became a family as anyone would going through something so stressful together. It turns out our fears were completly wrong. We all had the best time in the nursing home. Our patients absolutly loved us. They loved seeing us coming and would always complement us on looking so pretty in our white uniforms. The one on one time we gave them meant so much to them as it did to us. They taught us our efforts to succede were indeed worth it.
There was one day I won't forget. My patient was feeling very ill, a very bad cold. They had such a tiny body with so many clothes on just trying to keep warm. All they wanted to do was feel better. They were having a difficult time breathing, coughing, and having chest pains. They were crying out to God to heal them or take them they were ready to go home to be with him. I was starting to feel hopeless because I didn't know how to help, but for the first time I started using some of the things I was taught. With the help of a fellow nursing student we found some vicks vapor rub for her chest, cold medication, for the breathing we raised the head of her bed, and for comfort I sat holding their hand until they felt better and was sleeping. I knew at that moment when all I heard was cries of pain and them wanting help from me and being able to actually help someone for the first time even in that little way, I knew this was exactly what I wanted to do.

~I will prevail~

2005-07-24T23:25:00.000-04:00

Hi I know it has been awhile since I have created a post. I have been in a different place the past few months. I will be honest and say I am in a borderline depression that I am trying to fight my way out of. I have thrown myself into exercising which is a good thing because my body needs it, and I think it is a healthy way to deal with my problems as in a stress reliever. My life has been thrown upside down and everything I thought I knew personal life wise was all just a big game. I really feel so alone. I know I'm not alone but I sure feel like it. I don't think it helps that microbiology is really a class I absolutely hate and haven't put any effort into. I haven't put any work into the class which is totally a first for me, but I still have a high B. I take my last final for it on Wednesday. I haven't forgotten about this place, but I have been busy trying to hold myself together. I really hope I can pull myself together in my 2-3 week break before nursing classes start again. I am not going to let someone else cause me to fail...the best revenge is to let them see they can't break me I promise I will post more often at least once a week if not more...I am attempting to walk 14 miles a week. I am planning on walking one mile in the morning and one at night. I have such a drive to meet this goal. Today I didn't get up early enough to walk my morning mile so I am going to make it up sometime this week. I am hoping I can make this goal this week and keep it up!

~results~

2005-05-06T16:00:00.000-04:00

So I got my grades back today and I was 3 test questions away from having my A. I am happy with the B, I earned it. Now I have some time off about 3-4 weeks until the summer mini-semester starts. This is the time when I work like crazy to save up some money to pay off my debts that have built up over the semester.
I want to clear something up. In earlier posts I stated that I hated nursing. That is by far not true. Those words came from me when I had been nights without sleep and stressed to the point of no return. Nursing is something I love with a passion. I don't think I could see myself doing anything else. Anytime I hate it is when my school decides to throw us for a loop or I'm a walking zombie from no sleep. Nursing school is very hard work, but NOW I am halfway there :) I feel like I have been climbing up a mountain but at last it is getting to where I can see the top. I am ready for the downhill slide. I will posts more of my feelings later I have a few errands to run at the moment...

~Its over~

2005-05-05T19:39:00.000-04:00

I am beat. After studying about twenty hours I hope I got a high enough grade to obtain an A in the class. I am so sleepy. I knew getting through this program would be hard, but I am so beat. The final didn't seem very hard so I believe I got my A. More updates later :)

~Ready to Celebrate~

2005-05-04T23:24:00.000-04:00

So I have been pretty busy lately, but tomorrow I have my last final for this semester. If I do good on it I will come out with an A in the class. As I was studying on the phone with a friend it finally hit me that school is almost over. I know it is a year, but its only 2 more semesters. If the semesters go as fast as these first two have it will be over in no time. I had a very good experience this semester which I am very grateful for. Well my brain is very very tired, but I will update more tomorrow after the final :)

~Sunday~

2005-03-20T20:37:00.000-05:00

Today is Sunday. I have studied all day today. I ate very healthy today too. I had some rice and fresh raw brocolli for lunch. I had a orange sherbert with cream ice cream for snack that is 4 grams of fat and 120 calories. For dinner I had a bowl of cocoa pebbles. I resisted steak, french fries, and fried okra. I am taking my body back one day at a time. I have done crunches and push ups tonight along with some leg stretches and squats. I am doing pretty good I am hoping to reach my goal and hopefully lose 5 pounds this week. I know it sounds like a lot but I have cut back on my eating A LOT. I only eat healthy things. I am starting to get a little burned out but I am going to try and go grocery shopping tomorrow or tuesday to possible get some watermelon or something that will pump up my spirits again. I am not going to quit I have come too far to even think about that. I don't want to EVER get back to 221 pounds again. I took some photos of my face tonight and I was totally surprized I don't even look the same anymore I can totally see the change in my face. I want to be under 200 pounds in two weeks. If I work hard I can do it or come pretty dame close! Wish me luck

~wahooooooo~

2005-03-18T21:30:00.000-05:00

I made my goal! wahoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I weighed in and I am now 210. If I am not mistaken I have lose ELEVEN pounds in TWO weeks!

I have worked my ass off ~pun intended~ these two weeks so I think it is pretty damn good. I have only ate healthy foods. For lunch I have eaten a 6 inch Subw@y sandwich with a bag of baked or lite chips. For a snack I have eaten only fruits like fresh honeydew, oranges, grapes, and cantelope. For dinner I have been eating ONLY skinless boneless chicken or a small prok chop with fresh vegetables. I don't eat potatos or rice after 3pm. I am proud of myself. At night I have been doing crunches and pushups. wahooo I am so happy about my loss so far. I am hoping I can keep this up and within the next two weeks be UNDER 200 pounds

~Pay offs~

2005-03-15T13:56:00.000-05:00

So you know I was going to weigh in today a whole two days early because I know I have worked hard this week. Last Friday I weighed 216 and today I weigh 214! Two pounds and it isn't even Friday yet! Maybe I can work extra hard and lose two more by Friday. I started out weighing 221 So I am doing very good so far. I can't wait to get below 200. I am so excited and motivated!

~the longest week ever~

2005-02-23T21:38:00.000-05:00

When is the week ever going to end My god I don't know how much more I can take Sleep is just about nonexistant so you know what that means I am walking around looking like a zombie and acting like a total bitch

~tired~

2005-02-10T22:00:00.000-05:00

I am so tired! It was such a long day it is hard to keep my eyes open. I hate going to work until I get there once I am there I am fine with it I actually love it at times, but when I leave and think about going back I have feelings of hatred, any suggestions???

~hello peoples~

2005-02-08T19:20:00.000-05:00

oh what a fool I was....I thought seeing as it was a new start with the new semester maybe just maybe the professor would be a little different. wooptyfuckindo who would have ever thought I would be wrong sigh I had high hopes I guess. It is gonna be one long ass year. ~insert curse words here~
So I studied my ass off for the very first test....I coulda taught this shit I knew it so good. I only made a B talk about pissing me the fuck off. It was a really low B at that!?! ~more curse words here~
My thoughts right now is I dont give a fuck

~bored~

2005-02-01T22:54:00.000-05:00

Which Rock Chick Are You?

~Here we go again~

2005-01-15T19:20:00.000-05:00

So classes started again. I was ready to go back until I went back. There is so much work to do. I am going to give it all that I have because I know I can do this.

~a few changes~

2004-12-19T23:20:00.000-05:00

I get to make a few changes in my life. I am overweight. I need to lose about 60 pounds to be healthy. I have dieted for about a year now, but I haven't been successful. I give up after about a month I get to a standstill or too busy and I fail. I don't want to fail. If other people can do it I can too. I am going to try to be more committed and more hard on myself. I am not going to give in to that one thing of french fries or any little food that is bad for me. I am pretty good in the beginning but as time passes on I give in more and more until I am off the diet. I am always on the go and fast food is about all I can have for lunch. I have to decide over my health and food. I don't like who I am now. I don't like how I look. I am getting to where I can't even fit into the biggest clothes stores carry. That is too big. Lately I have been depressed and I have eaten all the time sometimes almost all day. I had lost about 20 pounds about 3 months ago and I have gained it all back. I am going to start eating better. I am going to start getting on the tredmill at least 3 times a week for as long as I can handle. If I get off track I am going to get right back on the next day. I am going to do better.

~a few new guidelines~

No fried foods
No Pizza
No giving in
No cheating

~Let the Celebrations Begin~

2004-12-14T18:44:00.000-05:00

It is over wahooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo wow that felt so good I could just jump up and down and scream like a little baby I am so happy!!!!!!!!!! So I came out with 2 Bs I was 3 tenths of a point from getting an A but I don't care because it is over

Now if you will please excuse me I need to go lay on the couch and watch some much needed tv and a whole lot of doing absolutely NOTHING yes yes yes it is so great

~a good day~

2004-12-06T17:25:00.000-05:00

Today was a good day. I made an 88 on my test! I passed another test today too so now all I have left is two finals which are a week away. I am already celebrating even though I am not finished for another week.
I knew I could make good on that test. The test really wasn't that hard at all just common sense stuff. I am surprized that still some people couldn't do very good on it. I hope they end up doing okay because I know some are working really hard to try and pass. I got some Christmas shopping done today. I think I am going to go again tonight since I have a little money left. I want to find some really good stuff for little money. I know it is out there I just have to take the time to look for the deals. I don't have a lot of money for Christmas this year so I really need to find some good stuff because I want to get people things I would feel bad if I didn't. I am working on my break so that I can have more money to spend, but I don't think I can get a lot of money, and the money I do get will have to go to school too. I have faith I can find some good things. I bought my sister something really nice today for less than 5 dollars so that was good. She wants a scarf belt so I think I can find one pretty cheap. I am always shopping at the last minute. I think I do my best shopping then. How many of you are like me and wait until the last minute to do all of your shopping? I know it feels more like Christmas walking ~fighting~ through people to get to what you want. I can already feel the Christmas spirit building up just thinking about it lol

~4 more days~

2004-12-05T22:06:00.000-05:00

So it is the end of the day...I did do some studying. I also watched Win a Date with Tad Hamilton (I loved that movie) and What Not to Wear 50 thousand dollar show I mean just how could I miss that??? It really wasn't that good of a show to me because I like to see the people fuss about getting rid of their clothes and into new ones but this woman was happy with a little change so it wasn't very dramatic as the others sometimes are. Viva la bam is on!

Wish me luck on my test tomorrow

~Countdown begins~

2004-12-05T13:26:00.000-05:00

So the Wonderful End Of Semester Countdown begins NOW....

ONLY FOUR MORE DAYS

What do you get to do after screwing off all weekend not doing what you should....having to study all day for a major test wahoooo that is just what I wanted to do today! So yea I have good grades and this is the last test...I know this stuff....no biggie...I don't have to study....yea those were the things I told myself to be okay with screwing off all weekend...My thoughts now....oh well who cares its the last test :)

I have had a great weekend so I really don't care about this test...
I saw two movies this weekend....Christmas with the Kranks very good movie go see it...Sponge Bob was ok but not so much my favorite but it was still good

is time for me to go study for this test I am going to do so good on :)

vote vote vote

2004-11-01T19:22:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is a pretty big day. People have their own opinions on who the next president should be. I have been for Kerry from the start. I don't agree with Bush on a lot of things. Where I live I see men like Bush all the time I see people who look like him, act like him, and have his same values. I have been torn on who I should vote for but I have done my research and I have watched all the news and debates. I am not saying Bush is wrong or right I just don't agree with him on a few things but you may agree with him and that is great because everyone has their own opinion and their own vote THAT is the wonderful thing about America. Before you go to place your vote I have a few requests. Tomorrow take the time to actually vote because every vote counts and when you do THINK OUT OF THE BOX don't vote for someone who discriminates against people for any reason. We are America and we have freedom Don't take away from some people just because you don't understand. When you think about the issues put yourself if that person's shoes. Think about things like not having jobs having to support your family and drugs being your only way to bring in enough money for your family think about how hard that kind of decision would be to make when that is all you know. Think about schools not having enough money to buy books for children to learn. Think about someone telling you can't get married to someone you love just because other people don't understand. Think about fighting in a war fighting for your life and not having to right equipment to keep you safe and alive. Think about EVERYTHING and think about how many people WON'T think out of the box so get out and vote for America

cool stuff

2004-10-31T01:26:00.000-04:00

You are Gonzo the Great.You love everyone, and still you get shot out of a
cannon on a regular basis. Oh, and you are
completely insane and have a strange
fascination for chickens.
ALSO KNOWN AS:The Great Gonzo, Gonzo the Great, Just Plain WeirdSPECIES:Whatever
HOBBIES:Tapdancing blindfolded on tapioca while balancing a
piano on his nose, backwards, five times fast.
FAVORITE MOVIE:"From Here to Eternity...with no brakes."
FAVORITE TV SHOW:"Touched By An Anvil"
QUOTE:"No parachute? Wow! This is so cool!"

What Muppet are you?
brought to you by

~A good day~

2004-10-28T20:00:00.000-04:00

I know I am usually fussing all the time but today it was so different so I wanted to share my experience because it was so wonderful.

Today was a busy day in clinical. I really wasn't wanting to go today because I thought it would just be the same thing I always do, but I was wrong. When I got on the floor my usual lady was waiting to get a shower and it was too early for her shower. You see she does physical therapy from 9-9:30. The lady taking care of her obviously didn't look at anything about her before she decided to give her a shower she was just in a hurry So the great thing is my lady REMEMBERED me oh my god totally made my day This is a lady who has severe memory problems where she doesn't remember anything short term BUT SHE REMEMBERED HOW GOOD I TREAT HER. I could have just fell out in the floor with total joy. all of the stress I have been through that totally made it all worth it. THAT is why I want to be a nurse because I have already made a difference in someone's life already and SHE says I am number one in her book.

So this lady takes her in the shower in a hurry which ticked me off because she wasn't doing a good job and it started to make me mad because I don't like to see her get treated bad. I had to help give another bath so I ran her over to physical therapy and had to leave her for a while :( I like my one on one time with her and she didn't want me to leave. So it gets even better...

I had to give a bed bath today. Well another student was with me and the workers there decided they would be funny and see just how good we really are. They were laughing when they dropped us off at our room. So we walked in to see someone who couldn't move their arms AT ALL NO MOVEMENT. Legs nope no movement either. This person never said anything but kept smiling at us as we were struggling because we had not done anything that difficult before but you know what WE DID IT ALL BY OURSELVES. It felt so good to do something we were not so prepared for but we did it. Our instructor was so shocked to find out we did it without any help because that was a very hard thing to do. We put our minds to getting this person the bath they needed and we did just that. I think it is the little things in life that mean the most. Just helping someone get a bath when they are not able puts a smile on my face. I feel so accomplished today. It was also funny to see the look on those shocked workers faces when they seen that we really are THAT GOOD!

~woot~

2004-10-17T19:00:00.000-04:00

So today I have cleaned allllll day go me! My house looks and smells so good. I have managed to read two out of three chapters on my test. I love relaxing all day it is so refreshing.

I have a 750 piece puzzle I want to get working on it is of dolphins with some obvious and some hidden. it is really cute I want to finish it so I can get it up on my wall. After that I have a 1000 piece puzzle in the shape of a whale! It looks so cute it is going to look great on my wall too. It has like all kinds of fishes and things from the ocean all on it but it still looks like a whale. When i get them finished I will have to take some pictures of them.

I am getting into collecting all kinds of things. So far I have all kinds of different vases which my favorite is from Target. It is blue that looks like water falling like rain on it so I am not so sure what to do with it yanno like what to put in it. I have lots of dolphin and underwater figurines and pictures/posters, I have these two elephants that are sitting all relaxed they are really cute. I have this plate that looks really cool it is like dolphins and fish underwater with a rainbow and it is held up by like this grass and coral...really cute. A favorite of mine is a glass humming bird eating from a purple flower with green leaves and the bird has purple wings. Now my latest collection is puzzles lol I just need some time to get them put together.

My latest addiction is the show What not to wear. w0w I love that show. Stacey and Clinton crack me up. If you haven't watched it you should because it is a great show especially if you love clothes lol Some of these people dress so damn crazy it is hilarious especially seeing their faces after they find out they have been taped for 2 weeks in these horrendous clothes

Well I am off do relax some more and maybe do a little reading

WOW I almost forgot yesterday I went to see the movie Raise your voice...OMG that movie was so good BUT it was soooooooooo sad. EVERYONE in the theatre was crying the whole time. It was such a moving movie they did a great job making that movie convey all the emotions. I haven't seen a movie that good in a long time and it makes me sad not many people are going to see it because it is so great. SO go see that movie you won't regret it!

~so its not supposed to be easy~

2004-10-15T15:30:00.000-04:00

So I wonder why I thought it would be easy to become a nurse. I mean I am working with someone's life WHY would it be easy...So this is what I have learned in the past week...

1. It isn't supposed to be easy
2. It takes HARD work and dedication that I sometimes lack
3. I need to think like a professi0nal not like the 20 year old that I am
4. It IS going to be FRUSTRATING
5. Perfection isn't always a must
6. Take one day at a time WITH some time for studying
7. Think positive or it is just going to be hell
8. I learned to iron wahooo
9. Studying sometimes can't help get an A on the hardest test EVER
10. If you know just enough to be confused it is a bad thing....shame on me

This week I had my second clinical...my previst went soooooooo wonderful and the clinical did too wahoooooooo

On tuesday I made one point above passing on my test. I was so frustrated after that but on thursday when I had a good clinical day I was happy

I have a lot of work to do so I need to stay motivated I hope I can do it :)

I have two days off wahoooooooooooooooooooo

~hurting~

2004-10-13T00:30:00.000-04:00

have I said lately how much I HATE nursing. So the first day of clinicals my instructor chews my ass for no reason I could just scream...after that day I had the worst fucking migrane and I haven't had one for THREE years I just came home and went to bed I was just so fucking pissed

I think this bitch is out to fail me and I don't give a damn anymore I am tired of dealing with her shit...I REALLY feel like just saying fuck it and telling them to kiss my ass. I think the only things that are stopping me is all of the fucking thousands of dollars I have spent in this shit and how close I am to being finished.

So today I had another test I think they just pull these questions out of their ass because they are nowhere in the books and have nothing to do with things in the books...I made ONE point above passing and I studied for FUCKING HOURS UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I COULD FUCKING SCREAM I HATEEEEEEEEEEEE THIS SHIT

I just have so much hate in me and I haven't had a hate like this before every time I start to think it is getting better something else will happen and I will just hate it more

Why does it have to be this hard???

Why do they make things so difficult???

Why are they such BITCHES about things????????

ugh December is a long time away I hope I can make it through this hell they are putting us through

this post doesn't show how I feel inside I think I am starting to get depressed over this

~confused~

2004-09-25T02:59:00.000-04:00

I am confused. I don't know what to do. Today I am really discusted with nursing all together. I don't think I like it. Well honestly I know I don't like it but I try so hard to like it just because I don't know what else to do. I know that everyone I know expects me to become a nurse. I want to be happy I just don't know what to do. I don't like conforming to everything so far I have had to remove my earrings which were not unprofessional because I didn't have anything wild. I have had to cut my hair short which I haven't done for years. I don't want a profession where I have to change everything about myself, worry constantly if I am going to look at someone wrong or say something wrong to where I get fired, sued, or my nursing license taken away because people are sue happy and nursing students are constantly watched as if people are waiting on us to screw up just to tell us to fuck off. I think it makes their day to see us go through hell and damnit I would love to tell them to kiss my ass because they are NOT better than me. I need some help. Are these feelings normal? Am I just being a normal 2o year old having trouble changing myself for a profession? I don't know what to do I am unhappy with this

test results, uniforms, and bitches

2004-09-21T19:37:00.000-04:00

I made a 92 on BOTH of my test wahooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I am so happy I worked for those two As. Today I feel such a relief because I have an afternoon to relax, and I have a new beginning. This past test I got behind in my 2 classes so when it came time for the tests I was really damn stressed. This time I am planning to not get that way. I want to do better this time. I don't want to have to do 10 thousand things the day before the test and stress over not knowing this stuff as good as I would want to. Not to sound like a slacker but I put in a LOT of studying whether I do it a little at a time over days or 1-2 FULL days of studying...my point is I want to get better at doing a little every day. My friends are always aggrivated well not aggrivated they just always bring it to my attention that I make around 10 points higher than them on tests. I don't like that. I work for my grades and if they worked as much as me they could have those 10 points to! Maybe I should say something to them...what do you think, should I say something???
I got my uniform this week. The sizes I tried on and ORDERED were smaller than what they sent me. I am pissed because my uniforms are at least TWO sizes too BIG ughhhhhhhhh I am pissed because they have my shoes back ordered too and didn't bother to even tell me ahead of time so that I could buy some more before those came in...bitches I don't like that company at all. Why would my uniform be so damn big when I tried on the same sizes and they are not supposed to srink any. I am afraid they are going to say something to me about it in clinicals because my top is down to my knees and you can see my boobs through the arms if I lift my arms up so that will be fucking great having patients looking at my tits when I'm working

I hate this fucking shit

2004-09-19T21:18:00.000-04:00

Someone just fucking shoot me now

1st test

2004-09-15T23:36:00.000-04:00

My head feels like someone beat me with a fucking bat...throbbing PAIN! I should take something but I don't like taking medicine.

So my first test I made a 92 on wahooooooo go me It was easier than I thought it was going to be but then again it was only the first test. I know people who have taken this one class before and they say everyone does good on the first test and the second it almost impossible to pass. That just makes me feel like so good.

I have so much damn reading to do that I keep putting off. I have a test in my other class on Tuesday and I haven't did any reading for it so that should be fun. I have about 10 chapters to read this week so much fucking fun I can't wait to start. I am really starting to hate this I really am and it scares me. In skills lab today I was thinking about how much I was starting to hate it, but when I was practicing the stuff I liked it. I think it is just the shit they put us through getting ready to take the NCLEX which I think is bullshit because they say they are teaching us stuff that hasn't been used for over 50 years but we have to know how to do it...THAT is what I hate all the stupid shit we have to know when they are telling us we will never use it and this stuff is 90% of what they talk about what is up with that... between having to make up holidays and the countless times they schedule shit for us on our days off I am really starting to not like them at all

I am going to go get motivated maybe...I think a night laying on the couch not doing shit sounds pretty damn good so tonight isn't looking too productive but I don't give a damn

2 more days

2004-09-11T04:48:00.000-04:00

My first test is on Monday so that means my brain is now mush. As I am writing this my brain is telling me to slow the fuck down and sleep. Once again WHAT IN THE HELL HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?!?!?

I knew it was going to be hard but holy shit someone should have warned me on the 98154804153486405 pages to read for EACH test and the fact that they throw shit in for the hell of it as in days we are supposed to have off oh hell no they will come up with some kind of shit to make us have to be there

Even with all of the bitching I do I still like it because:

This is what I have a passion for
I don't want to give up
I refuse to give up
I won't give up
It isn't supposed to be easy
I have a good support team and wonderful teachers
I love it
I want to succeed
It is not very hard it is just making me have more discipline in my life and discipline is something I need more of
I am almost finished only 3 more semesters wahooooooo

I am going to do this I have faith in myself

~4 months to go~

2004-09-02T04:20:00.000-04:00

S0o0o I am not so good at posting on a regular basis...I am going to work on this really I am...I promise! I made it through the first two weeks! OMG it is pretty hard. I have TONS of reading to do and when I say tons I mean hundreds of pages for each class. I am not a fan of reading so this isn't too nice. So far I have kept up and read EVERYthing. We have about 10 books for two classes. In our reading each book I notice I am reading the SAME EXACT THING in EVERY book!!!!! I wonder if someone just decided to cheat and say what the hell I will just change two words from this book and call this my own shit and make tons of money at broke ass students expense. Do these professors think we are so stupid that we need to read things ten thousand times to understand things...maybe so...some of the people will scare me if they ever pass this program. I would tell them to get the hell out of my room if they ever came in to be my nurse...I really hope they get better.
I spend about 8 hours in class on one day and 3 another...then 7 another day. Any other time I have goes to reading. This poses an issue for me. It takes all of my time to read the books. I am not sure what to do about studying. I don't know what to do because I can't just the pull time out of my ass, and I need at least a few hours to sleep or I am not a happy person.
Even though it is SO much work and hard I enjoy nursing. I don't think I have realized how close I am to actually being an RN working somewhere helping people...*thinks* I can imagine what it is going to feel like going in to work that first day...seeing my first patient...and feeling such a joy knowing I am helping them. I hope my first day is as enjoyable and rewarding as I hope it is going to feel.

~a new beginning~

2004-08-22T02:17:00.000-04:00

hi everyone!!! I am starting this blog to relieve some of my daily stresses from nursing school. Okay so a little about me...I am a 19 year old in nursing school. I have already completed my core classes and now I am in for the ride...Friday August 20, 2004 I attended nursing orientation....holy shit!?! talk about ruining my happy lil day. They talked for what seemed like eternity, 4 1/2 hours in one COLD spot listening to them bitch about how we are now in hell for the choice we made to go into nursing school and by the way what happened to a nice exciting welcome???instead we got the guarantee of 5 divorces in 2 years. uh what is up with that...I thought married people supported and loved each other but yanno maybe I am wrong...Good thing I'm not married or I would be heading to the lawyers office like the rest of the ppls. So instead of a congratulations or we are so happy you want to be a nurse we got told we would eat pb&j for 2 yrs, get absolutely NO sleep, and how they would be our enemies out to fail us. OMG I hope I don't ever fail a class. If I for some chance fail a class please just slap the shit out of me! The first time you fail you have to REAPPLY and hopefully get in (but they say just give up if you fail once) if you are crazy enough to keep going and you fail again oh joy you are in for a ride...to be able to reapply again you have to become either a LPN, paramedic, respiratory tech, or surgical tech (okay if you are able to get any of these why the hell would you want to come back) so anyways then you can maybe get back in with that but then if you fail again they say hit the road they won't take you anymore...they acted like bitches up there like we are a waste of their time. The worst part of all for me was the dress. According to these people a nurse is supposed to be dressed in all white which I think is sexy but I love me some color so what happened to that...on top of no color we can't have ANY earrings...gasp...I LOVE my earring so arghhhhhhhhhhhh I hate growing up!!! A nurse is evidently supposed to look as unattractive as they can be and if we don't try to be as ugly as possible we can FAIL the class...what in the hell have I gotten myself into???????